New Year, New Me

I think I’ve finally reached the point where I am done being apologetic for being trans.

I didn’t even realize I was doing it. Not literal apologizing; that’s not what I mean. I mean I have been walking into every interaction with an apologetic mindset. Filling out paperwork, socializing, and any situation where it becomes apparent that I am not cisgender. Even situations where it isn’t apparent. I remember when I had to have my wisdom teeth removed, I was worried about whether I should tell the oral surgeon that I’m trans. Of course my gender identity had nothing to do with my teeth, but I still worried. What if he found out during the surgery while I was unconscious? What if it surprised him so much that he messed up and permanently injured my mouth or something?

I’ve wondered if I should tell new friends and acquiantances and doctors. I worried if they’d be angry or put-off if I didn’t. Though I told myself that it wasn’t relevant and that it was my decision, part of me still felt an obligation to make things easy on them instead of easier on myself.

So it’s not that I was apologizing verbally, but I was still sorry. I felt obligated to be sorry to others. Obligated to educate and answer questions, and obligated to respond to ignorance with class and grace.

But I’m done. Not with educating people. Not with being a polite person in general. I’m still happy to answer questions that are respectful and appropriate. But I don’t feel like I have to. I can decline. I don’t have to disclose my trans status to every friend of a friend. Doctors can be surprised, but I still expect them to do their job. Thankfully I am privileged enough that I go to a hospital where the doctors expect the same of themselves as well.

Mostly, I’m done wasting my time on bigots. I believe in education and responding to hate with knowledge. But when I know that person is not going to change, why should I stress myself out?

I’ve had two people within just a few weeks of each other try to invalidate me. The first was a former youth pastor of mine who responded to a post on my Facebook page about marriage equality. It turned into a very long debate that I am used to having with him. I know it won’t get us anywhere, but I won’t let his ignorant comments go unchallenged when they are directed at me. This time though, he just had to mention that I am still “Kelly” and a woman in his eyes. It had absolutely nothing to do with the conversation, but he felt the need to say it in an otherwise civil debate. From there, my friends jumped on and started cursing him out, and I simply requested that he leave my former name and transition out of unrelated discussions. I don’t give a damn what I am in his eyes. His perspective doesn’t matter to me.

On a side note, according to him, I’m not “truly” a Christian if I support homosexuals. Good to know.

The second time came again on Facebook, when a woman I long ago went to church with asked me why I was offended by gay slurs, and she started telling me that Jesus can save gay people from sin and can save me from what I am doing. She said:

“you are such a beautiful girl and that is who u really are”

and

“that is not what God had intended for your life no matter how you feel”

Those are direct quotes. And I think that is the conversation where I realized that I have had enough. I’m not trying to convince anyone anymore. I explained it once; there is a DIFFERENCE between bodies that society codes as male/female and gender identity. But she ignored everything I had to say and preached at me. She even switched to ALL CAPS just to make the ignoring more effective.
People like this not only do a disservice to LGBT people, but they do a disservice to Christians and other people of faith. They are bad representatives of their own communities, and I am so sick of it.

 

I recently started and finished watching a show that ran from 2000-2005 called Queer as Folk. As problematic as some elements of the show were, I learned something from watching it. Having an attitude of pride. Having pride in yourself. And though it was a show focused on homosexuality, it’s a concept that can be applied anywhere.

 

I’m trying to have more pride in myself. Not despite of being trans, but because I am trans, among other things.

I never thought being trans was something to be ashamed of. But I never thought it was something to celebrate either. But why not? It’s difficult, and transition is slow and expensive, and a lot of us hate it. But why can’t being trans be a good thing in itself too? We’ve made people question. We’ve made society question. Gender and sexuality and binary systems and more. We do that just by existing.

Well it just something I have been thinking about, anyway.

 

Thanks for reading! Please feel welcome to add to this discussion.

Insights From The Other Side

I’ve been seeing so many LGBTQ-related stories in the news and facebook. Of course, we are witnessing big moments in history as we live and breath. Marriage equality wins are popping up in state after state. Right now, we’re waiting to hear the Supreme Court’s ruling on Prop 8 and DOMA. Other states, including my own, are pushing for protection against job discrimination. It’s exciting. It’s also long overdue, but still exciting.

For as vocal and celebratory as the supporters have been though, I’ve heard just as much from the other side.

I’m transgender. I love the LGBT community and the stories I’ve heard within have moved me. But I’ve been on that other side as well. That’s why I’m writing this. I believe in God and I believe in Jesus, and I used to go to church every Sunday and I bought into everything in their doctrine, including the part about homosexuality being a sin. I didn’t even know about transsexuals beyond the “perverts” they showed on TV, painted as freaks by the media. That was how I was taught since I was little and I never even questioned it until I was in my teens.

During my time as a homophobe, I understood the panic everyone in the church felt whenever the subject of homosexuality would come up. Because I realized in middle school that not only were our views unpopular, they were considered deeply offensive and vile. But we believed we were right AND we felt extremely obligated to warn others. Suddenly, we were faced with not only an LGBT community, but an LGBT community that was actually making progress and gaining more and more people to their cause. And the more people that sided with them, the more people that told Christians to shut up. So we felt silenced, like everyone’s views were supposed to be tolerated except for ours. Some even think LGBT people are given MORE freedoms than them.

Of course, I don’t subscribe to that anymore. It’s ridiculous to think Christians are facing discrimination comparable to LGBTQ people. But that is the mindset we’re faced with. They verbally codemn us to hell, disguising it as “love”. Some Christians actually are concerned about the souls of others. But I don’t believe for a second that it’s how most of them feel. It’s about their obligation and their “right” to preach at us because they’re the ones who follow the “truth”. Christians who are against LGBT people “know” they are right and they feel obligated, by God, to tell people about it. Not only that, but those who are anti-LGBTQ are facing more opposition than they ever have before, and they aren’t sitting down and shutting up either. They’re pushing back. “It’s time for the true Christians to stand up” is what my former youth pastor said on the subject earlier this week. They feel targeted. And, like LGBTQ people, they aren’t staying silent about it.

I’m seeing tons of debates cropping up online and getting no where. From my own experience, when I get into a debate on this I think it’s easier for the other person to see reason when I speak from a personable point of view instead of trying to argue logics, or bible verses, or choice vs. “born this way”. Telling them about all the LGBT kids who kill themselves because they’re being bullied, or all the disowned LGBT teens on the streets, or the number of murder and assault victims that were LGBT… that makes them more sympathetic.

There are plenty of Christians out there that do support us though. There are also Christians themselves who identify as LGBTQ. Don’t forget them. It’s a matter of intersectionality, I think. The LGBT-identified Christians sometimes don’t feel welcomed among Christians or LGBTQ people, and thus have no community to turn to.

A final thought on this. When you have a Christian telling you that you’re in danger of hellfire for being LGBTQ, it’s not too hard to tell the sincere ones from the ones who are just being dicks. This isn’t an excuse for anyone’s behavior, but the thing about some Christian spaces is… many of them actually do believe that if they don’t try to help you or try to talk to you that they’ve failed you. I’ve heard a Christian friend say “I’m afraid that when I die, I’ll see the faces of everyone I didn’t try to save burning in hell.” Some really do care and they sincerely feel that if you don’t convert that you’ll spend eternity in agony.

Someday, there will not be such a divide. The reason anti-LGBTQ Christians are pushing back is because we are making progress, and that progress is not going to stop. We are going to win full equality.

Happy LGBT Pride Month everyone!

The Story of How Kelly Became James

People often ask me why I chose the name James. There’s no big story behind it; I had a list of names I liked, I took that list of names with me to the mirror and spoke them all out loud to my reflection. James stuck. It probably wasn’t the most practical choice, since I have a cousin named James who was born on the same day as me (just a year later). But it’s the name that felt right. I liked my old name too. Kelly is generally considered unisex, leaning towards feminine. I think it’s Irish for warrior or possibly strife. But I never identified with that name. So I had to change it.

The process of getting my name legally changed was definitely more tedious than it was difficult. My first move was to call up my local prothonotary and ask what I would need.

I got the paperwork to file my petition from the Court Administrator and got a friend, who had been though the process, to help me figure out what to do with it. The next step was something I procrastinated on out of fear – going to the state police to get my fingerprints.

Though usually my worries are much worse than is warranted, I’d say in this case my anxiety was justified for once. The state troopers there were kind of rude, and when the one asked what I was changing my name to, she gave me a strange look after I answered. Her expression looked like “OMG you’re one of those.” She asked me why I was “doing this”, which I assume meant transitioning. I explained and she didn’t really do anything besides nod, so I was incredibly uncomfortable. There was small talk about the fingerprinting process, but it was all very awkward. The situation was made worse by the fact that the fingerprint machine was giving her trouble so I was stuck there longer than I expected. But I got them! And it was St. Patrick’s Day, so I celebrated that night.

I waited two or three more months because I wanted my mom to go down to the courthouse with me for the next step and was waiting for her to have a day off of work. I suppose that was kind of silly, but I wanted her to be a part of it. Anyway, with my petition filled out and my fingerprint card finished, I took that and my $105.50 filing fee to the prothonotary, who kept it to have a judge sign it. I was instructed to wait for a call and then come back to the prothonotary for the petition forms so I could take them to the Court Administrator to get my hearing date.

I got the call the next day telling me that I could come get the papers, but I wasn’t able to get down to the courthouse until about 5 days later. My dad (who was never supportive of my transition or the name change, but has always been willing to drive me where I needed to go for transition-related things) took me to the courthouse. He mostly just followed me around the building while I got the papers from the prothonotary and took them to the Court Administrator. She told me my court date was set for 9:15 a.m. on August 28^th, courtroom #1. The courthouse opens at 9 in the morning so basically I would be one of the first people being heard. My mom said that was a good thing, but being a night owl I was dreading the early hour.

So it was a two month wait. I was excited and told all my close friends. Most of them wanted to come to support me, but I didn’t want a big crowd there. It might seem disrespectful. About two or three weeks before the hearing, I went to a Pride Picnic at my local amusement park. I painted my nails rainbow, wore my rainbow-checkered glasses and went there with some friends. It was really hot out but I got a free rainbow peace sign necklace and a sticker from EqualityPA. The president of EqualityPA, Adrian Shanker was there and I got to talk to him about voter registration. He advised me to get my ID changed ASAP after my hearing date so I could register to vote in time for the presidential election. He supports the sitting president, it seems.

So I was in a good mood for a while, but then I got a horrible email forwarded to me from my dad. It was some crazy conservative organization I guess, called the Public Advocate for the US. It went on about how the LGBT community got DADT repealed and now they are pushing for transsexuals to have the right to join the military without the threat of being discharged for it. How dare we want to serve our country, right? I was appalled, of course, but by the time I got to “these sick individuals” and “our soldiers deserve better”, it really felt like a punch in the gut. It was worse because my own dad forwarded this trash to me. I know he doesn’t agree with me transitioning, but I can’t understand why he would want me to see these horrid things written about people like me.

I was already getting nervous about the court hearing approaching, but that email two days before it put me in a bad emotional state.

One of my best friends stopped by to wish me luck before I left for the hearing. It ended up being just me, my mom, and my little sister there. My mom just had surgery a week before and I had been nervous that I would be going without her, but thank God she was walking around fine on her own by the day of the hearing.

We got there early, I was dressed handsomely in a suit and tie, and once I was in the courtroom all my nerves faded. It was a nice room but not quite like the grand court rooms you see on TV. I looked up and noticed some balloons stuck on the large light on the ceiling. Perhaps someone had been partying in the courtroom? It looked like the balloon had an organization’s name on it but I couldn’t make it out. Maybe the party had been a benefit for an organization.

The judge was about a half hour late. My mom knew the bailiff (his daughter had been friends with my late brother), so we chatted with him while we waited. Like most people, he was stunned that I’m 20. He thought I was 16, which is older than people usually guess so that was a plus. It was all lighthearted and easy-going until the buzzer signaling the judge sounded. We all quieted, the bailiff said “all rise”, we stood until the judge told us we could be seated.

The room was uncomfortably silent as the judge shuffled through his papers. I watched him for a moment, and it struck me that he was reading about me being transgender. I felt slightly panicked, wondering if he thought I was sick – the term used to describe transsexuals in the email my dad forwarded me. He finally spoke, going over court jargon for the records as the stenographer recorded what he was saying. He read off my petition and I was a little embarrassed when he reached the part about my reasoning. I had put down that I wished to change my name because I wanted a name that reflects my identity and gender and explained that most people in my life already referred to me as James. He read that part out loud too, and I couldn’t bring myself to look at anyone. It was strange, because I am not ashamed of what I am doing or being transgender. But it is a little unsettling to have your biggest discomfort spoken about in a big institutional setting.

He asked me if it was all true; a formality. I responded with “yes, your honor.”

I also had a letter from my therapist supporting me in this matter, so I brought that out at this point. He read that out loud as well and it was submitted for evidence. Much of the hearing was exactly as I expected it would be; just a formality. I had no reason to worry that he might not grant my name change. When he finally issued the decree and thumped the gavel, I wanted to jump for joy but instead I sat silently, grinning from ear to ear. The bailiff gave my mom a wink and a thumbs up. The judge offered me a “good luck” and I thanked him. On the way out, the bailiff shook my hand and congratulated me.

It went much better than I ever imagined. My mom took me and my sister shopping afterward so I had an amazing day with some of my favorite people. When I got home, I signed for a delivery for the first time under my new legal name.

And so ends my tale of my experiences in changing my name in the Northumberland County of Pennsylvania. The next step is to get my therapist to sign a form for the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation (PennDOT). That way I can get my gender marker changed on my State ID when I go to get a new one, since I need one with my new legal name on it anyway. I’ll also have to change my social security card, bank card, insurance, medical forms, possibly my birth certificate, etc. I got the 5 official decrees of name change that I requested free of charge, so I’m all set for that.

I imagine the gender-change form that I need to take to PennDOT will prompt an awkward situation. The people at my local PennDOT are really uptight and act like you’re bothering them the second you walk in the door… except the guy who took my picture. I remember him as a pretty nice guy. I look forward to the social catastrophe.

After all my identification forms are taken care of, I can start putting my name in for jobs. Time to start saving for my surgery, which is at the top of my priority list.

For the most part, I’m doing pretty well these days. Now that there’s no court date looming over me, I feel good. I’m working on a fantasy novel and just taking pleasure in writing the story for me and for my friends and family who are reading and enjoying it.

Thanks for reading! Getting a legal name change is a step many transgender people take in their transition, and I’m glad to report that mine went pretty well.

~ James

Sticks and Stones

Before I get into this subject, I just wanted to say that I have not abandoned this blog. I was just busy during the last few months of college. There was barely a day that went by that I did not have some homework assignment or a test to do or a club project to work on. Plus, I didn’t have any ideas for topics to write about. Hopefully over the summer I will find more topics to cover.

I’m not quite sure exactly what this post is about, so it may come off as rambling, but I wanted to comment on the sensitivity in the transgender community, especially concerning language.

On more than one occasion I have heard people express their exasperation with transgender people being oversensitive. That is definitely not the first word I want people to associate with me as a transgender person. While I do want people to be mindful and respectful, I don’t want them to be afraid to ask questions. I don’t want them to feel like they have to tiptoe around my feelings with every word out of their mouth. And I’m not talking about transgender people getting upset over actual prejudice or harassment. I mean transgender people getting easily offended by a simple word choice. And I don’t think it is only cisgender people who are having this problem with the community. It is also transgender people who are having trouble avoiding offending other people in the community. Because we all have different perspectives and different preferences when it comes to choosing words to express ourselves, we’re bound to run into issues.

I understand that when you are part of a community that experiences a lot of prejudice and bigotry, it’s easy and justifiable to be sensitive to an extent. And it is important to educate people about the language they use. In fact, my last blog post was about the use of the word “tranny”. But I think there is a line between educating people and dictating speech. And I don’t think I’m the only one who is starting to feel like I have to watch everything I say in order to avoid offending someone.

I’ve seen well-intentioned allies get flamed for a simple word choice. I’ve seen transgender people getting scolded by others in the community for the way they choose to describe themselves (a transman saying “I used to be a girl” was told he was poorly representing the community for his choice of words.)

Yes, we should be mindful about the language we use. But we also have to understand that we cannot police language. Sometimes, it’s an honest mistake and the person didn’t know the word was offensive. Other times, the word that is so “offensive” is simply that person’s preferred way of expressing their thoughts. A transguy who prefers to say “I used to be a girl” rather than “I was assigned female at birth” isn’t wrong. That is just his choice in how he expresses himself to others. Just because I prefer not to express myself that way does not mean I should tell other people that they can’t.

It is respectful to learn which words not to use around certain people. For example, I try not to curse in front of my friends who do not like it. And when my friend told me that he doesn’t like the word “butch”, I didn’t mention it in front of him again. There are certain words I dislike as well. And then when it comes to another person’s identity, it is important to be even more open-minded. I may dislike the words “tranny” and “faggot”, but I may meet someone who strongly identifies with those words and I respect the right to identify the way one chooses. But hopefully they would also respect that those words make me cringe.

I have noticed that people are taking offense at using the term “biological sex” or using the word “transgender” as a noun. I do understand the offense that can be taken here. Genitals, hormones, chromosomes, etc. come varied and many people are not strictly female or male even when it comes to biology. Maybe saying “assigned sex” is better. But who knows? Maybe some people are offended by that terminology as well. I’m vaguely aware that some within the intersex community took offense to transgender people using terms or assuming identities like “coercively assigned female/male at birth” (CAFAB and CAMAB). As for using “transgender” as a noun, I completely see how that could be offensive. I mean it’s not generally acceptable to refer to someone based on their “condition” (some transgender people see themselves as having a condition and others do not). Saying “she is a transgender” is like saying “she is a bipolar”. Of course it would be more appropriate to use the phrases “she is a person who identifies as transgender” and “she is a person who has bipolar disorder”, putting the fact that they are a person first and the description second. But I think we should remember that using “transgender” as a noun used to be the common terminology, even among transgender-identifying people. There are even some books written by trans people that use the terminology. But today, there are many who would take that terminology as deeply offensive. For one thing, maybe if we all remember that language is always changing, we won’t be so quick to take offense. We should especially remember that language changes faster within communities, and it takes longer for those outside of the community to catch up with the etiquette changes.

I’m not saying that it is wrong to suggest a word that you think is better. I am saying though that we cannot push people into accepting our word and definition preferences. Just because some people in the community prefer “assigned sex” over “biological sex”, doesn’t mean that we must all conform to that terminology. My family has a hard enough time using the right pronoun. I’m not going to nitpick over simple terms when people come to me with questions or conversation, or they might stop communicating altogether.

I’m not going to list off terms that I think are acceptable and ones that are not. I’m not going to say to what extent we should be sensitive or how much we should tolerate being offended. That depends on the individual. I will say though, that I think it is important to be both respectful of people’s feelings/identities, and also of their right to speak the way they want. I don’t believe anyone in the community has the right to police language. I support education and politely letting others know when they are being hurtful or inappropriate. I understand the need to remove oneself from a situation where others refuse to stop using language that is hurtful. But I do not support attacking others for their word choice when they simply did not know that the word could be offensive.

I suppose I wrote this though because I too am becoming a little exasperated at the sensitivity I’m observing in the community.

I’m really interested in hearing what anyone else has to say on this though. Any opinions on sensitivity within the community? Anyone want to share their experiences with it? Please share your thoughts, even if you disagree with what I’ve said. :-]

– James

May I Call You Tranny?

So recently I’ve noticed this debate going on all over the social networks within the trans community about the use and reclaimation of the word “tranny”.

The issue seems to be that one side of the debate believes all transgender people are entitled to use this word to describe themselves, while the other side believes it is a term that only transwomen have a right to reclaim.

I think we all know that while the word “tranny” is sometimes used against transmen, the term is historically applied to transwomen. It is a slur with violence and discrimination tied to it. Sometimes, it is the last word a transwoman hears before she is murdered.

I’m not sure exactly why this disagreement is getting so much attention. I don’t understand why either side cares so much about their right to use a slur word that there is actually an argument about it. I do understand the points being made by both sides though.

Transmen don’t want to feel like they aren’t “transgender enough” to reclaim the word. They feel they are just as “tranny” as transwomen are. And if there is a word-reclaimation going on in the community, they want to be part of it. They want to be involved because they’ve experienced prejudice too. Also, invisibility is an issue for transguys. The fact that transwomen have always been subjected to more violence and bigotry than transmen is part of the reason why transmen are invisible and transwomen are called “trannies”. Transmen don’t want to be invisible. Also consider the actual transmen who have been maliciously called tranny numerous times. Do they still not have the right to reclaim the word just because they are transmen?

Those who think that transmen should not be using the word “tranny” also have a number of reasons to back up their belief. They say you should google the word tranny and see what images come up. You probably won’t be seeing pictures of transmen. You’re going to see pictures of transwomen. When people use that word in a negative sense, they are talking about transwomen who people know are transwomen, who don’t “pass” well enough. They are talking about too much makeup, voices that are too deep, over the top femininity, etc. The fact is that when people hear the word tranny, they don’t think of transmen. They think of transwomen.

There is also the suggestion that people should not try to reclaim slur words that would never have been applied to them in the first place. This means that just because you identify with or belong to a group of people doesn’t mean you’ve faced the same kind of prejudice. For example, a transwoman who is a lesbian shouldn’t try to reclaim the word “dyke” if no one has ever pegged her as a “dyke” and used that term against her. (By the way, I’m not saying that this is my opinion. But this is an opinion.) Just as you might find it strange if a white man called his other white friend “my nigga”. I know I find that strange and people in my 98% white town have done that. White people haven’t had that term thrown at them so they shouldn’t use it to describe themselves.

As I mentioned, that is an opinion, but it is not necessarily my own opinion. I believe people should be able to identify the way they want and they should be able to speak the way they want. However, I think we need to be mindful. Someone may not call you out for using a certain word or identifying a certain way, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be respectful and polite with our language anyway.

But I’m not going to take a side in this debate. The reason I am writing this is because I kind of disagree with both sides.

I actually don’t like the idea of reclaiming slur words. Sometimes I think it works. In the case of the word “queer”, it has become a word that people use to identify their gender or sexual orientation when gay or bi or trans or whatever just doesn’t quite fit. However, the word “queer” is still hurtful to some people so I think we should be careful when we use it. For the most part, I think it would be classier to just use a different word instead of a slur. We already have transgender, and gay, and lesbian; words that explain what we are better than “tranny” or “faggot” or “dyke”. I know these terms are bolder, more radical or revolutionary, but would you use those words with your employer? Your parents? Your little sister or brother? Nephew or niece? My little sister sometimes hangs out with me and my LGBT-identifying friends. But I can’t imagine one of my lesbian friends calling herself a “dyke” in front of my sister.  Or a gay friend proclaiming he is a “proud faggot.” Saying that they are trying to “reclaim” the word wouldn’t fly as a good excuse. I don’t want my little sister to think it’s okay to use those words to describe people before she even knows the origins of those slurs and that they are still hurtful to people.

I understand that there are people who strongly identify with these terms now and enjoy calling themselves faggots or dykes or trannies. And I support the freedom to do so. I’m not going to tell anyone how they should or should not identify. And I’m not going to tell anyone what they can and cannot say. But if I am allowed to voice my opinion as well, then I’m saying that it makes me incredibly uncomfortable to hear it. Those words makes me think of terrible things. Hearing the word faggot makes me think of how people are murdered or beaten just for being gay. They remind me of hate and bigotry and fear. I don’t know if anyone has ever used them against me personally, and I can’t even remember the first time I heard any of those words, but I always feel anxious whenever I hear them now.

I don’t want people to label me a “tree-hugger” because I’m a vegetarian and eco-friendly. I’m not over-sensitive and hurt by that word. But when people call me that, it says to me that they do not take my morals seriously. I think “tree-hugger” is rather mild and I would not be offended if someone used it in jest when I knew they held respect for me. But context is key. Some words just signal a level of disrespect towards a group of people. We don’t want to perpetuate the mindset that it’s okay to be disrespectful.

And you won’t hear me trying to reclaim the word “sheepfucker” because of my Scottish heritage either. And I know that it’s not the same as reclaiming “tranny”, because it doesn’t have the same violent history as “tranny” and such. But my point with this one is that I don’t think using slur words restores anyone’s dignity, especially not for the person who is using it. Calling myself a “sheepfucker” would just be weird and inappropriate. Proudly identifying as a “sheepfucker” would not make people take me or that word more seriously. I feel this also applies to words like “faggot” and “dyke” and “tranny”. When people use those words beyond joking around, when they claim it as an identity, I find it harder to take them seriously, because those are still very rude words. People are still using this kind of language to degrade others. I don’t see how we can expect to use those same words and not sound degrading ourselves.

One of my favorite movies is Coach Carter. I love when the coach hears his basketball players calling eachother “nigga” and he calls them out on it. He tells them, “We treat ourselves with respect. We don’t use the word ‘nigga’.”

Respect.

I respect everyone’s right to identify however they wish, and I respect their right to use the language that they want to use. But I hope they respect and consider the fact that those words have been used to cause pain, and no amount of proud reclaimations will erase history.

This is just my opinion. We’re all entitled to one. Mine is that I don’t think we should reclaim slur words when they are still being used as hateful language. I think that when people, not just transmen, use the word “tranny” it is showing everyone that we lack respect for our community and for those outside of our community who do not want to be exposed to hateful speech (because even if you are trying to reclaim it, it is still a slur today). I think it would show class and more respect, not only for ourselves, but for eachother to not use these words. Feel free to leave me a comment with your own opinion. I’d really like to know what others think of this topic of reclaiming slur words. I’m still not sure. On one hand, some people identify with these words better than the non-slur ones. On the other hand, other people are still deeply hurt when they hear it. What do you guys think? Am I being too conservative on this? Do you identify with the word tranny? Am I missing something?

If you do identify with any of these words that I mentioned here, please know that I am not trying to invalidate your identity. We should all be able to identify ourselves the way we want. To each their own.

30 Day Challenge for Transpeople – Day 30

30) Write a haiku about being trans.

Umm no. Instead I will point you in the direction of Joel Derfner. I saw Joel Derfner at an LGBTQ conference in Bloomsburg, PA and he was hilarious. He was promoting his book “Swish: My Quest to Become the Gayest Person Ever and What Ended Up Happening Instead”. He also wrote “Gay Haiku”, and here are some examples from the book (which can be found on this page of JoelDerfner.com ).

 

“I have a boyfriend.”

We’ve been talking three hours.

You are a bastard.

 

See the gay man in

His natural habitat:

Bed Bath & Beyond.

 

Frantically hiding

Porno and Mapplethorpe prints—

Mom is on her way.

30 Day Challenge for Transpeople – Day 29

29) Write out something positive about yourself using the letters of your name.

Jaunty

Adaptable

Maverick

Enthusiastic

Spontaneous

30 Day Challenge for Transpeople – Day 28

28) What is something you have to do everyday or else you feel like your whole day is off if you don’t do it?

I have to eat, sleep, and shower everyday. Those are the only things that will actually throw me off if I don’t do them. I also like to try to get things done. I wake up with a whole list of things to do, and I’ll be lucky if I end up completing one of them. So I do feel a little off if I end the day knowing I didn’t get enough done. Some of those things on my list are doing chores, school work, and exercising. I’ve been pretty good about exercising these last few days, but I haven’t been getting chores done, and I’d like to have more of my school work done too.

I guess I could also add writing to that list. I enjoy writing more than any other activity and I like to write every day. Some other things that I like to do everyday would be talking to friends and family, using the internet, texting, praying, and spending time with my two cats.

30 Day Challenge for Transpeople – Day 27

27) What goals do you have?

Some of my most important goals are transition-related and most of them aren’t. I’ll tell you ten of my goals, not including my two most immediate ones, which are graduating from college and getting my driver’s license.

1. get top surgery

2. get a hysterectomy

3. legally change my name

4. change all of my documents to reflect my preferred name and gender

5. learn at least one other language

6. travel (maybe New Zealand, Ireland, Scotland, or Spain)

7. write a screenplay

8. make a movie

9. have a job that I am successful at and enjoy

10. be as involved as I can in helping others (especially in the LGBT community)

30 Day Challenge for Transpeople – Day 26

26) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about being trans if say a teacher/friend/stranger asked you?

As long as they are asked respectfully, I don’t mind questions. I haven’t had a lot of teachers ask me question aside from the LGBT Club advisor at the community college I go to. And she is very respectful. She asked me to be a guest speaker at her human sexuality class this semester so I imagine I will be answering a lot of questions when I do that. Wish me luck.

I’ve had lots of friends ask me questions. The first question I usually get is “So do you like guys or girls?” And I don’t feel comfortable answering that because I haven’t quite worked that out for myself yet. Either I’m asexual or I haven’t met the right person yet because I’m not really strongly attracted to anyone further than “Hey that person looks awesome. I want to get to know them better.” And also its uncomfortable because I don’t know why THEY need to know. I understand curiosity but why is that the very first question they ask?

I have had strangers ask me questions. Usually friends of friends that I was just introduced to as “James, the transgender”. Sometimes the questions are really disrespectful and they only ask to be assholes. In that case I am uncomfortable and offended. But sometimes they ask genuine questions and are respectful for the most part, and then I don’t mind that even if it is a little uncomfortable. The most interesting questions from strangers are when the person is like super curious and fascinated. My friend introduced me to someone once and I spent about an hour just fielding questions from her. She wanted to know how I knew I was trans, if I like girls or guys, if I masturbate, what kind of surgeries I want, about the effects of testosterone. Everything. And it was a bit uncomfortable, but she was just one of those extremely bold people so it was funny too.